Katty Kay & Claire Shipman's "The Confidence Code" and Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In"

Ever since summer classes ended, I've taken on a 9-5 part-time job that involves a lot of sitting and idleness. The most natural response for me was to read, and I have never charged my Kindle Paperwhite this excessively before. Of the last four books I've completed, three of them were nonfiction. I now have a lassitude toward fiction. As creative and imaginative as writers are with fiction, fiction makes me sad for obvious reasons.

I surprised myself as I completed each nonfiction work, especially since I used to be addicted to sci-fi and fantasy themed novels (can we say Harry Potter, please). Nonfiction has motivated me towards active self-improvement and diverts my attention towards real life as I learn about the real human condition. Brain Rules, The Confidence Code, and Lean In each provided unique perspectives about social issues prominent in the United States today. The former two especially use a scientific storytelling method to while discussing social implications. All three have strong and salient plots that educate and engage me. I couldn't help but wonder why professors don't assign these sorts of books for class textbooks. Textbooks are made to solely inform; these books are both empathetic with the human condition and informative while backed with extensive research studies to expand upon their points. Brain Rules especially had challenging but plausible suggestions for improving work life and the education system to create a better learning environment, and I loved Medina's proposals.

I'm glad I read The Confidence Code and Lean In back-to-back. They complement each other perfectly. Merely reading them already boosted my confidence level significantly. Throughout college, I've experienced several moments of extreme self-esteem drops (roll through some old posts and it'll make sense). Despite interminable personal lectures, emotional outbursts, and excessive journaling, I never seemed to get out of my I-am-going-to-suck-at-life shell that I refused to leave these past two years, especially as a female in a male-dominated field. Just last month, I was lying on the floor in my room and complaining to my mom about how I felt like I had no future. There were some legit first-world problems. Am I overloading my work for this coming school year? What activities do I participate in this time? What do I do after I graduate college? What if no man I like ever wants to date me, which means what if I'm single forever and never married? Am I still afraid of academic failure despite all I've gone through?

Hearing stories from three women who have experienced defeating moments themselves and learned to stand back up encouraged me more than any pep talk a friend or parent could give. It strikes me as hilariously sad how I would hear the exact same advice told in everyday language from someone I know and be unable to implement it, but read the advice in books published by reputable individuals and suddenly feel slightly braver. Here are some of my favorite moments from The Confidence Code and Lean In:

Mastery refers to the process and progress, not perfection.
"Perfectionism inhibits achievement."
Confidence is leaving your comfort zone and taking action. Do it.
Courage is a critical partner to confidence.
Overthinking, people pleasing, and the inability to let go of defeats are confidence killers.
"Dare the difference."
"Fortune favors the bold."
"What would you do if you weren't afraid? Go do it."
"The upside for painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance."

"Success is making the best choices we can...and accepting them."

"I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is. I don't know one woman in a leadership position whose life partner is not fully - and I mean fully - supportive of her career. No exceptions."

It strikes me that these concepts are widely accepted yet forgotten. It took two entire books to instill a different mindset within. I don't have enough self-compassion. I strive for perfectionism not because I want to be the very best at what I do, but because I always falsely believed that what I did wasn't good enough. Sheryl Sandberg suggests adopting both a long-term dream and a shorter, say 18-month plan. When coming up with these, set goals that have both "focus and flexibility," she emphasizes. It is then when I come to realize that my goals are either too out of my reach or too doable. There wasn't something appropriate for me to work towards. (But of course, in my head, it all had made sense initially.)

These past few weeks, I've voluntarily done things I usually don't do - broke a little bit of my routine actions - and it feels great. These don't even have to be big, daunting changes; they just have to be small things that I don't usually take the effort to try doing. Initiating to drive the freeway to be a better freeway driver so my dad doesn't feel the need to yell while I'm emotionally struggling in the car. Cooking and experimenting with new foods. Working out first thing in the morning at 6am. Asking questions that I may have been afraid to ask before.

At the end of the day, I learn how to better ignore other people's opinions and just keep going. Confidence and being unfazed by other irrelevant opinions come hand in hand. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there.

Thank you Katty Kay, Claire Shipman, and Sheryl Sandberg. Your words are indelible and have left a great, positive impact. 

Everyone should go read "In Defense of Food" now

To my own surprise, I've recently been reading a lot of nonfiction (that's another story) and I officially deem Michael Pollan one of my favorite science writers. Although In Defense of Food is the only work of his that I have read, it is extremely eye-opening and thought-invoking. What are we really consuming in Western society? How can we go about to better understand what is actually in the food and produce we purchase?

Pollan emphasizes how consumerism-based marketing and the food industry have evolved from selling raw, whole foods to advertising products based on nutrient break-down. It is frightening how often we see "low-fat" and "low-carb" exploding in front of our eyes on packaging labels, especially when science has clearly shown that there is really no one sole component of a food that deems it healthy. It is the food as a whole which dictates its benefits. Take margarine, for example, which turned out to be the trans-fat royalty that was engineered by humans to supposedly be a "better version of butter."

As a result, Pollan suggests that we all consume and buy "real food," which has the following criteria:

• No more than 5 ingredients
• Has no unfamiliar ingredients

Here's my question: can I even find anything in my local supermarket that meets these requirements, apart from fresh produce? I can meet the two criteria at a farmer's market, but what about at the evenly-priced supermarkets down the street?  

As Westerners become busier and increasingly fed up with family and work matters, they have significantly less time to cook with whole, raw foods. Therefore, they resort to processed products with the interminable and foreign list of ingredients next to the nutrition label. Furthermore, consumers who purchase these foods are completely unaware of its origins after extreme processing. What about the procedure of making processed foods that last for years on store shelves? The condition of the soil that produce grows in? The quality of the foods that the meat we eat is being fed? Consumers are becoming increasingly distanced from the food production process and its taking a serious toll on Western society health. Interestingly enough, though, this article addresses the possible change that can take place in such a seemingly impossible force - if consumers begin purchasing foods from more reliable, firsthand sellers ("Shake the hand that feeds you," Pollan says), then the market will gradually shift to support this demand. 

Pollan has encouraged me to start growing a garden with vegetables and fruits. Reading this book has already increased my appreciation for food, and horticulture should only cement it. I'm planning on reading The Omnivore's Dilemma soon, another one of Pollan's great works. 

It's time to savor and better understand the food the enters our bodies.

What I Learned & Loved from The Great Santini

It took me a while, but I finally finished Pat Conroy's The Great Santini late last week. It's one of those books where I couldn't pick up the momentum very quickly. Usually, these books tend to be disappointing, but Conroy's work took a different turn. The most climatic and suspenseful moments occurred in the latter half of the story, but without the essential background, character motivation, and tone set throughout the first half, the ending would not have evoked such an ambivalent reaction from me.

The only other novel I read that is revolves around a military-based theme is Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried, so I was very unfamiliar with the context surrounding military family life. It was thought-evoking and eye-opening to have detailed descriptions of military children's reactions and dialogue. We especially get to see how Ben Meecham, as the oldest child, deals with and faces the pressure and expectations from his father, Bull Meecham (aka "The Great Santini").

1. The Unfiltered Dialogue and Descriptions
Conroy does a great job of keeping his characters real to the point where their voices are the only sounds occupying my mind. Bull Meecham's inexorable pride and vulgarity, and Ben's inherent fear yet simultaneous hatred and admiration for his father are straightforwardly addressed to a level where I felt uncomfortable (in the best way possible as a reader; it's the kind of uncomfortable writers strive for). My discomfort emanates from the power behind Conroy's honesty. There were far too many times when I thought, "Oh no, definitely didn't mean that," and the text is simply laughing at me and saying "Oh yes he did!"

Conroy is also extremely open in describing sensitive subjects, such as the racial conflict and gender imbalances. In particular, a frightening rape scene written with absolutely no strings attached was the most emotionally unsettling. I am reminded of how prominent these issues still are today - if we have access to so many personal accounts, one would think that humankind should know better than to continue such bigotry.

2. Sarcasm, Comedy, and Laughable Insults
Conroy made me realize the need for comedy even in the most daunting and sensitive situations. While I may cringe because some characters make morosely sarcastic comments, the Meecham family found the need to use a mixture of sarcasm, comedic comments, and insults in order to free themselves from a rigid family structure. Mary Anne has the best hits in the family. She calls Ben "feces face." She tests Bull's patience on the phone with incestuous comments. She threatens others through the claim of committing suicide while inserting seemingly cruel jokes about how nobody will miss her because of her unattractive appearance. In hindsight, these comments may seen indicative of a hurtful and inconsiderate person. However, Mary Anne used sarcasm as a coping and defense mechanism for her insecurity in being a marine's daughter who is self-deprecating in comparing herself with her mother's beauty. Underneath the tough marine family facade, the Meechams use exaggerated and laughable role-play games in order to cope with the nature of the impermanent marine lifestyle. 

3. Who do I root for?
Conroy creates his characters so that it's difficult to completely invest in a single one of them. It is natural to side with a member of the Meecham family and identify any antagonists, but within the Meecham family, each character possesses countless admirable qualities and flaws. The Meecham family dynamic is constantly changing; their interactions and reactions often surprised me. It's easy to feel sympathy for all of them at a certain point, yet cringe due to the nature of the obscene words and choices.

4. Cyclical Storytelling
I was expecting a maximal climax point in the novel, but Conroy chose to tell a series of short, small stories with small climaxes, all of which revolve around very similar themes. Bull's marine parties, Ben's basketball games and cryptic excursions with Sammy, Toomer's business.. each conflict kept me in extreme suspense, and the desired result isn't what usually plays out. However, the cyclical storytelling method kept the military family theme in-tact and set the stage for the ending.

Highly recommended book. Conroy is a gifted storyteller, and I certainly plan on reading another one of his works soon.