2 Big Lessons from this past year

As I delve deeper into my undergraduate studies and life, I am learning to acknowledge my happiness. We've all heard it: humans are emotional creatures and tend to dwell on the setbacks and hardships while seldom acknowledging the moments when we are truly happy and content.

To (rather unfairly) simplify a painful and very complex personal experience: about a year ago, my collegiate life was heading downhill. I felt as if everything were slowly falling apart. Daily rivers of tears accompanied the extreme frustration with school. It all spiraled into emotional instability, and it's still difficult for me to admit that almost all of this unhappiness stemmed from academics. I became so disinterested in the academic content that I eventually lost motivation to learn and put in effort. Coupled with the disinterest were high-level challenges from the abstract subject matter of my major at the time. I put academics before all (after all, the ultimate goal in college is to receive a degree in something that I desire to specialize in). This top priority turned from intense curiosity and passion to depression and self-loathing, obvious portents of a need for massive change.

Just a few days ago, I began to acknowledge my happy moments. That led to realizing that I am actually a pretty awesome person - and I had never felt this awesome before because I failed to recognize my victories, especially the small ones that are easily overlooked. I then began to fathom why I am able to feel so much happier now, and this falls under two big umbrellas.

(1) My previously dominant emotional struggles and self-loathing now give me strength.
I've always known that hardships allow people to feel much more prepared for future challenges. However, what surprised me most were my recent acknowledgements of "Wow, I know I would not be this happy and, most importantly, grateful in my new major (more generally, academic department) had I not suffered immensely a year ago." I feel strongest and most self-assured when I am genuinely happy. So many times, I had wished that all the disparities had never happened, but I can't disparage what happened a year ago. Because I was completely downcast and inconsolable, I am now able to sincerely appreciate the smallest moments of bliss and euphoria that cross my path, because hey - almost anything beats those days of self-loathing.

(2) I surround myself with both "right and wrong" people, and both are equally important.
Friends come and go, but sometimes, it can take an entire year or more to understand someone on an authentic level. I discovered that some people are not who I thought they were, and others are so much more compassionate and kind than the person I first knew.

I have two really kindhearted roommates. We all look out for each other, provide mutual support, and live off a code of blatant honesty. This has allowed us to cut out the nonsense and pointless squabbles that may accompany living with close friends. They are my sisters. They can see right through me and know that the truth is exponentially more powerful than any lie. Surprisingly, when I first met them both, I had never thought that I would meet them again.

I have also grown closer with someone I met about a year ago. I am forever indebted to this individual. He and I met through his roommate and surprisingly, our friendship launched through sarcastic humor and a stuffed animal wombat. Throughout most of last year, we exchanged countless laughs; I always loved his company. It was not until the start of this school-year when I came to terms with how much I respected his commitment to his word, ability to not only hear but also to listen, open heart, and generous nature. He is a person whose actions speak louder than his words - and they represent him in a positive light. It is so refreshing to know that there are individuals who value what is important to both themselves and others, and know how to listen. And slowly but surely, I'm learning to become a better listener as well.

After dealing with combative people, gratefulness comes so much more naturally. I am learning so much about myself and the person I strive to be.

More importantly, I am able to acknowledge myself and my own happiness.

Unwind: Botanical Journeys & Autumn Warmth

Transcendentalism has always fascinated and impressed me. (Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau author most of my favorite quotes.) Today, as Apple fanatics desperately camp out and fly overseas for the iPhone6, transcendental themes such as simplicity and self-liberation from the materialistic and technologically reliant society we currently reside in are gentle reminders of the resources we gratuitously take from Earth.

As I'm preparing to move to my apartment, this past week has been mostly consisted of shopping for basic apartment needs: pots and pans, extra utensils, oven mitts, cutting boards.. you name it. I felt as if my mind and body were working nonstop. This weekend, my mom and I decided it was time to sit back and take a breather. We took a trip to the Descanso Gardens, and while this day trip is far from the isolation and self-sustaining ways of the transcendentalists, it still felt so refreshing to be in a more naturally raw setting than the bustling and urbanized city.

Some colorful flowers still bloom in late summer - Descanso Gardens

The ample space and small guest capacity during my visit likely enhanced my appreciation for the gardens. Earlier this summer, when I went to Victoria and visited the Butchart Gardens, I felt slightly swamped by all the other tourists and lack of walking space, which downplayed my fascination with the blooming gardens. This time, at Descanso, the absence of human traffic was the opportune day to stroll around the various gardens (my favorite is the Japanese garden) and also enjoy the gift shop ambiance.

Ceiling embellishments near the Pagoda of the Japanese Garden - Descanso Gardens

Descanso Gardens - the Japanese Garden (L) and the Rose Garden (R), still blooming a bit!

Back in June. The contrasting but surprisingly less-crowded view of one of my favorite spots - Butchart Gardens

The biggest surprise of the day was witnessing four deer in a queue gallop across a trail and up the hill towards the Boddy House (below). They were no more than 20 feet away from me. It looked just like a wildlife documentary where I am positioned with a camera, waiting for the perfect capture moment. Sadly, they moved too quickly for me to snap a photo!

The Boddy House - E. Manchester Boddy is the figure behind the creation of the Descanso Gardens

My imagination kicked in when I was in the gift shop, a very cabin-like building that smelled like autumn and trees. I spent at least an hour just browsing through all the books (a gentle reminder to myself that real books are still more heartwarming than my Amazon Kindle) about nature, food, and happiness. Such books with beautiful illustrations and bindings are must-own physical copies. If I replaced the merchandise in the gift shop with all my personal belongings, I would be in paradise.

It's a bit fleeting to think of decorating my temporary apartment to a dreamy cabin-like setting, but I can still start mothering succulent plants when I move in!

Book heaven at the Descanso Gardens gift shop

Succulent plants in the Descanso Gardens - similar ones are sold in the gift shop

My day-trip to the Descanso Gardens really gave me some time to practice mindfulness. My mind is constantly running - sometimes regretting the past, but usually planning for the future. We all need a moment to pause and take in what is around us, cherish the resources and beauty of planet Earth, and ultimately, unwind for a bit. For me, peacefully residing within a natural setting for a day is the best way to unwind.