Monday, October 20, 2014
Saturday, October 18, 2014
2 Big Lessons from this past year
As I delve deeper into my undergraduate studies and life, I am learning to acknowledge my happiness. We've all heard it: humans are emotional creatures and tend to dwell on the setbacks and hardships while seldom acknowledging the moments when we are truly happy and content.
To (rather unfairly) simplify a painful and very complex personal experience: about a year ago, my collegiate life was heading downhill. I felt as if everything were slowly falling apart. Daily rivers of tears accompanied the extreme frustration with school. It all spiraled into emotional instability, and it's still difficult for me to admit that almost all of this unhappiness stemmed from academics. I became so disinterested in the academic content that I eventually lost motivation to learn and put in effort. Coupled with the disinterest were high-level challenges from the abstract subject matter of my major at the time. I put academics before all (after all, the ultimate goal in college is to receive a degree in something that I desire to specialize in). This top priority turned from intense curiosity and passion to depression and self-loathing, obvious portents of a need for massive change.
Just a few days ago, I began to acknowledge my happy moments. That led to realizing that I am actually a pretty awesome person - and I had never felt this awesome before because I failed to recognize my victories, especially the small ones that are easily overlooked. I then began to fathom why I am able to feel so much happier now, and this falls under two big umbrellas.
(1) My previously dominant emotional struggles and self-loathing now give me strength.
I've always known that hardships allow people to feel much more prepared for future challenges. However, what surprised me most were my recent acknowledgements of "Wow, I know I would not be this happy and, most importantly, grateful in my new major (more generally, academic department) had I not suffered immensely a year ago." I feel strongest and most self-assured when I am genuinely happy. So many times, I had wished that all the disparities had never happened, but I can't disparage what happened a year ago. Because I was completely downcast and inconsolable, I am now able to sincerely appreciate the smallest moments of bliss and euphoria that cross my path, because hey - almost anything beats those days of self-loathing.
(2) I surround myself with both "right and wrong" people, and both are equally important.
Friends come and go, but sometimes, it can take an entire year or more to understand someone on an authentic level. I discovered that some people are not who I thought they were, and others are so much more compassionate and kind than the person I first knew.
I have two really kindhearted roommates. We all look out for each other, provide mutual support, and live off a code of blatant honesty. This has allowed us to cut out the nonsense and pointless squabbles that may accompany living with close friends. They are my sisters. They can see right through me and know that the truth is exponentially more powerful than any lie. Surprisingly, when I first met them both, I had never thought that I would meet them again.
I have also grown closer with someone I met about a year ago. I am forever indebted to this individual. He and I met through his roommate and surprisingly, our friendship launched through sarcastic humor and a stuffed animal wombat. Throughout most of last year, we exchanged countless laughs; I always loved his company. It was not until the start of this school-year when I came to terms with how much I respected his commitment to his word, ability to not only hear but also to listen, open heart, and generous nature. He is a person whose actions speak louder than his words - and they represent him in a positive light. It is so refreshing to know that there are individuals who value what is important to both themselves and others, and know how to listen. And slowly but surely, I'm learning to become a better listener as well.
After dealing with combative people, gratefulness comes so much more naturally. I am learning so much about myself and the person I strive to be.
More importantly, I am able to acknowledge myself and my own happiness.
To (rather unfairly) simplify a painful and very complex personal experience: about a year ago, my collegiate life was heading downhill. I felt as if everything were slowly falling apart. Daily rivers of tears accompanied the extreme frustration with school. It all spiraled into emotional instability, and it's still difficult for me to admit that almost all of this unhappiness stemmed from academics. I became so disinterested in the academic content that I eventually lost motivation to learn and put in effort. Coupled with the disinterest were high-level challenges from the abstract subject matter of my major at the time. I put academics before all (after all, the ultimate goal in college is to receive a degree in something that I desire to specialize in). This top priority turned from intense curiosity and passion to depression and self-loathing, obvious portents of a need for massive change.
Just a few days ago, I began to acknowledge my happy moments. That led to realizing that I am actually a pretty awesome person - and I had never felt this awesome before because I failed to recognize my victories, especially the small ones that are easily overlooked. I then began to fathom why I am able to feel so much happier now, and this falls under two big umbrellas.
(1) My previously dominant emotional struggles and self-loathing now give me strength.
I've always known that hardships allow people to feel much more prepared for future challenges. However, what surprised me most were my recent acknowledgements of "Wow, I know I would not be this happy and, most importantly, grateful in my new major (more generally, academic department) had I not suffered immensely a year ago." I feel strongest and most self-assured when I am genuinely happy. So many times, I had wished that all the disparities had never happened, but I can't disparage what happened a year ago. Because I was completely downcast and inconsolable, I am now able to sincerely appreciate the smallest moments of bliss and euphoria that cross my path, because hey - almost anything beats those days of self-loathing.
(2) I surround myself with both "right and wrong" people, and both are equally important.
Friends come and go, but sometimes, it can take an entire year or more to understand someone on an authentic level. I discovered that some people are not who I thought they were, and others are so much more compassionate and kind than the person I first knew.
I have two really kindhearted roommates. We all look out for each other, provide mutual support, and live off a code of blatant honesty. This has allowed us to cut out the nonsense and pointless squabbles that may accompany living with close friends. They are my sisters. They can see right through me and know that the truth is exponentially more powerful than any lie. Surprisingly, when I first met them both, I had never thought that I would meet them again.
I have also grown closer with someone I met about a year ago. I am forever indebted to this individual. He and I met through his roommate and surprisingly, our friendship launched through sarcastic humor and a stuffed animal wombat. Throughout most of last year, we exchanged countless laughs; I always loved his company. It was not until the start of this school-year when I came to terms with how much I respected his commitment to his word, ability to not only hear but also to listen, open heart, and generous nature. He is a person whose actions speak louder than his words - and they represent him in a positive light. It is so refreshing to know that there are individuals who value what is important to both themselves and others, and know how to listen. And slowly but surely, I'm learning to become a better listener as well.
After dealing with combative people, gratefulness comes so much more naturally. I am learning so much about myself and the person I strive to be.
More importantly, I am able to acknowledge myself and my own happiness.
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