The Inner Dilemma of a Coffee-Lover

It's the end of winter quarter 2015, and for the first time, I've overindulged in coffee and dessert during finals week. My sudden lax in self-control both intrigues and frightens me. Furthermore, coffee from external vendors near UCLA are quite costly. We're talking Starbucks and Peet's Coffee, where small-sized drinks average $3-4.

Back in high school, I actively took part in campaigns that urged consumers to purchase fair-trade products such as fair-trade chocolate and fair-trade coffee. Fair-trade sets a just compensation for farmers who produce goods that are purchased in first-world countries. For example, coffee is one of the most traded commodities, but many coffee-producing farmers are in a cycle of poverty due to labor exploitation.

So the question is, where does all the money go for all the high-priced coffee at chains such as Starbucks? Most of the money we pay goes directly to coffee exporters who take advantage of the situations and use profit for their personal gain. Fair trade USA, even though more expensive than their non-fair trade counterparts, claims that

Our mission is to enable sustainable development and community empowerment by cultivating a more equitable global trade model that benefits farmers, workers, consumers, industry and the earth.

In my generation, fair trade is also relatively unknown and rather inaccessible. There's always a part of me that truly enjoys the delicious aroma and taste of well-brewed coffee, but another part of me says to be more minimalist and concerned about what happens behind the scenes. This internal battle takes place all the time whenever I decide to go out and have a good time with friends. Eating meat is bad for the environment, they say. You're contributing to terrible employee treatment, they say. Stop drinking coffee when it has such a terrible colonial history, they say.

So where do I draw the line?

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

There is something so genuine and honest about historical fiction novels that I love. All the Light We Cannot See is no exception. The chronology threw me slightly off-guard initially, but the puzzle pieces together towards the latter half. The short chapters left me longing for more from Marie-Laure and Werner. I became very attached to Marie-Laure quickly. Although blind, she adapts and learns to navigate effectively. Her wit and quick thinking is astonishing and admirable.

I particularly loved how Werner's and Marie-Laure's lives are connected; yet, they both do not know of the overlaps and only meet briefly.

Science and technology play a key role in the plot development. If you are interested in science theory and scientific history, this book is for you. Doerr weaves the two beautifully together while telling a touching story of WWII.

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The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I love stories that are told from an unconventional perspective. In this case, Death is the narrator. Zusak puts a very interesting spin on Death, even sarcastic and humorous at times. It puts a lighter spin on a emotionally heavy historic time period.

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Books and Scientific Research Publications

Many of my friends don't enjoy reading unless necessary. They'd prefer spending time watching a film adaptation, if available, or resorting to other activities instead. I constantly hear "I don't have time to read" or "It's too boring." Personally, reading has been a very rewarding solitary experience. I follow at least a dozen book-based blogs on tumblr and can spend hours at bookstores. I read while I eat. I read when I wait for a tardy friend. I read when a meeting starts late. I read when I have awkward hour-long gaps between classes. There are small time slots sporadically laid out in my schedule that give me the option to delve in a chapter here and there, and I love it. This is just some motivation for non-readers who can befriend beautiful words from a raconteur and potentially have a life-changing experience from giving yourself a chance to interact with the text.

(Side note: I started a phase of binge reading 12 days before the end of my final exams this fall quarter and read three books total by the time my exams ended. Sometimes I really wonder where I find all the time to read so much, but it really is my primary method of de-stressing in such a pressuring few weeks.)

Words are truly phenomena all on their own. I stumbled upon this while browsing tumblr the other day:

That's pretty mind-blowing.

However, there is one writing format that I find difficult to enjoy, and also sheds light on why the science community seems so disconnected from the general public. In my mineralogy and structural geology courses, I spent a good amount of time dissecting articles from scientific journals. I came to two very contrasting conclusions:

• I have a much higher appreciation for the work that goes into scientific research. The procedures and in-depth studies take an advanced level of expertise and dedication to reach a sound understanding from the hypothesis. 
• Scientific journal publications are extremely difficult to comprehend. Even as a student who is interested in the geosciences, I found myself very distanced from the text.

Reading these research publications made me feel the vital need for more science communication and interactive methods to bring about more comprehension for the seemingly chimerical scientific research.

There are many science writers who are brilliant at their craft; Michael Pollan and Kristin Ohlson are some of my favorites. However, their work simply cannot be compared with research journal publications. The nature of the works is far too different. The target audience for each is also different, which can qualify the contrasting styles. However, Pollan and Ohlson are not firsthand science researchers. They are the ones who do their fair share of interviewing and comprehend the latest understandings in science research and experimentation and publish coherently structured and beautiful books for the public to read. We need more Pollans and Ohlsons.

I am absolutely in favor of reading no matter the book genre or medium of reading (kindle, paperback, or hardcover? Everyone has their own preference), but I am realizing the general sway away from reading about science. A couple months ago, I told my roommate that I actually enjoy writing; my roommate, who is an engineering student, blatantly told me that the furthest I will get with anything science-writing related is publishing research articles. Is this the mindset that accompanies science? This perspective must change.

"Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain

I can say without any doubt that this book resonates in an uncanny way. Maybe I read it at the right moment - a moment when I felt like I lost an understanding of my identity, when I felt like I needed all the alone time in order to recharge appropriately.

Susan Cain presents a plethora of historical moments, research, and personal experiences to present the dilemmas and challenges introverts face in a world that values extroversion. I am reminded that my desires for being reflective, gritty, and conducive in less stimulating environments is perfectly fine. I shouldn't feel guilty for turning down the huge group dinner. It's absolutely acceptable to avoid the crosswalk if I'm not in the right state of mind to interact with other people. 

I've grown up knowing how vital it is to my sanity to have my own space. The amount of personal space and tranquility I have in my physical surroundings is directly proportional to my level of comfort and productivity. Susan Cain reminds me that it's all OK for me to request for others to be more quiet - to respect my need for privacy - to let me have some time on my own to brainstorm and reflect. 

Some of my favorite quotes from "Quiet," 

"Soft power is quiet persistence. The people I'm thinking of are very persistent in their day-to-day, person-to-person interactions. Eventually, they build up a team." 

What a beautiful quote to remind me of how pursuing a dream, a passion, or even curiosity will show great soft power through grit.

"Anyone can be a great negotiator...and in fact it often pays to be quiet and gracious, to listen more than talk, and to have an instinct for harmony rather than conflict." 

I've certainly learned the importance of listening over speaking in numerous situations. This quote deserves to be framed in every classroom as a child is growing up - the power of listening is so much more potent than that of babbling. 

"Maya, for her part, sits curled up at the periphery of her group, writing her name over and over again, in big block letters, as if to reassert her identity. At least to herself." 

"If you find something that arouses your passion or provides a welcome challenge, you forget yourself for a while. It's like an emotional vacation." 

"There is no one more courageous than the person who speaks with the courage of his convictions."

- Susan Cain

2 Big Lessons from this past year

As I delve deeper into my undergraduate studies and life, I am learning to acknowledge my happiness. We've all heard it: humans are emotional creatures and tend to dwell on the setbacks and hardships while seldom acknowledging the moments when we are truly happy and content.

To (rather unfairly) simplify a painful and very complex personal experience: about a year ago, my collegiate life was heading downhill. I felt as if everything were slowly falling apart. Daily rivers of tears accompanied the extreme frustration with school. It all spiraled into emotional instability, and it's still difficult for me to admit that almost all of this unhappiness stemmed from academics. I became so disinterested in the academic content that I eventually lost motivation to learn and put in effort. Coupled with the disinterest were high-level challenges from the abstract subject matter of my major at the time. I put academics before all (after all, the ultimate goal in college is to receive a degree in something that I desire to specialize in). This top priority turned from intense curiosity and passion to depression and self-loathing, obvious portents of a need for massive change.

Just a few days ago, I began to acknowledge my happy moments. That led to realizing that I am actually a pretty awesome person - and I had never felt this awesome before because I failed to recognize my victories, especially the small ones that are easily overlooked. I then began to fathom why I am able to feel so much happier now, and this falls under two big umbrellas.

(1) My previously dominant emotional struggles and self-loathing now give me strength.
I've always known that hardships allow people to feel much more prepared for future challenges. However, what surprised me most were my recent acknowledgements of "Wow, I know I would not be this happy and, most importantly, grateful in my new major (more generally, academic department) had I not suffered immensely a year ago." I feel strongest and most self-assured when I am genuinely happy. So many times, I had wished that all the disparities had never happened, but I can't disparage what happened a year ago. Because I was completely downcast and inconsolable, I am now able to sincerely appreciate the smallest moments of bliss and euphoria that cross my path, because hey - almost anything beats those days of self-loathing.

(2) I surround myself with both "right and wrong" people, and both are equally important.
Friends come and go, but sometimes, it can take an entire year or more to understand someone on an authentic level. I discovered that some people are not who I thought they were, and others are so much more compassionate and kind than the person I first knew.

I have two really kindhearted roommates. We all look out for each other, provide mutual support, and live off a code of blatant honesty. This has allowed us to cut out the nonsense and pointless squabbles that may accompany living with close friends. They are my sisters. They can see right through me and know that the truth is exponentially more powerful than any lie. Surprisingly, when I first met them both, I had never thought that I would meet them again.

I have also grown closer with someone I met about a year ago. I am forever indebted to this individual. He and I met through his roommate and surprisingly, our friendship launched through sarcastic humor and a stuffed animal wombat. Throughout most of last year, we exchanged countless laughs; I always loved his company. It was not until the start of this school-year when I came to terms with how much I respected his commitment to his word, ability to not only hear but also to listen, open heart, and generous nature. He is a person whose actions speak louder than his words - and they represent him in a positive light. It is so refreshing to know that there are individuals who value what is important to both themselves and others, and know how to listen. And slowly but surely, I'm learning to become a better listener as well.

After dealing with combative people, gratefulness comes so much more naturally. I am learning so much about myself and the person I strive to be.

More importantly, I am able to acknowledge myself and my own happiness.