"There is no one more courageous than the person who speaks with the courage of his convictions."

- Susan Cain

2 Big Lessons from this past year

As I delve deeper into my undergraduate studies and life, I am learning to acknowledge my happiness. We've all heard it: humans are emotional creatures and tend to dwell on the setbacks and hardships while seldom acknowledging the moments when we are truly happy and content.

To (rather unfairly) simplify a painful and very complex personal experience: about a year ago, my collegiate life was heading downhill. I felt as if everything were slowly falling apart. Daily rivers of tears accompanied the extreme frustration with school. It all spiraled into emotional instability, and it's still difficult for me to admit that almost all of this unhappiness stemmed from academics. I became so disinterested in the academic content that I eventually lost motivation to learn and put in effort. Coupled with the disinterest were high-level challenges from the abstract subject matter of my major at the time. I put academics before all (after all, the ultimate goal in college is to receive a degree in something that I desire to specialize in). This top priority turned from intense curiosity and passion to depression and self-loathing, obvious portents of a need for massive change.

Just a few days ago, I began to acknowledge my happy moments. That led to realizing that I am actually a pretty awesome person - and I had never felt this awesome before because I failed to recognize my victories, especially the small ones that are easily overlooked. I then began to fathom why I am able to feel so much happier now, and this falls under two big umbrellas.

(1) My previously dominant emotional struggles and self-loathing now give me strength.
I've always known that hardships allow people to feel much more prepared for future challenges. However, what surprised me most were my recent acknowledgements of "Wow, I know I would not be this happy and, most importantly, grateful in my new major (more generally, academic department) had I not suffered immensely a year ago." I feel strongest and most self-assured when I am genuinely happy. So many times, I had wished that all the disparities had never happened, but I can't disparage what happened a year ago. Because I was completely downcast and inconsolable, I am now able to sincerely appreciate the smallest moments of bliss and euphoria that cross my path, because hey - almost anything beats those days of self-loathing.

(2) I surround myself with both "right and wrong" people, and both are equally important.
Friends come and go, but sometimes, it can take an entire year or more to understand someone on an authentic level. I discovered that some people are not who I thought they were, and others are so much more compassionate and kind than the person I first knew.

I have two really kindhearted roommates. We all look out for each other, provide mutual support, and live off a code of blatant honesty. This has allowed us to cut out the nonsense and pointless squabbles that may accompany living with close friends. They are my sisters. They can see right through me and know that the truth is exponentially more powerful than any lie. Surprisingly, when I first met them both, I had never thought that I would meet them again.

I have also grown closer with someone I met about a year ago. I am forever indebted to this individual. He and I met through his roommate and surprisingly, our friendship launched through sarcastic humor and a stuffed animal wombat. Throughout most of last year, we exchanged countless laughs; I always loved his company. It was not until the start of this school-year when I came to terms with how much I respected his commitment to his word, ability to not only hear but also to listen, open heart, and generous nature. He is a person whose actions speak louder than his words - and they represent him in a positive light. It is so refreshing to know that there are individuals who value what is important to both themselves and others, and know how to listen. And slowly but surely, I'm learning to become a better listener as well.

After dealing with combative people, gratefulness comes so much more naturally. I am learning so much about myself and the person I strive to be.

More importantly, I am able to acknowledge myself and my own happiness.

Autumn is here!

Today marks the start of Autumn, my favorite season. I am lucky to live in Los Angeles, a city with tolerable weather and 4 beautiful seasons. With the falling leaves, gentle winds, and pumpkin spices, Autumn seems to create the coziest atmosphere that provides the perfect fusion of city life and the natural world.

Photo from one of my favorite seasonal blogs, cozyautumnchills

Autumn also brings about natural shades of light brown, dark green, tinted yellow, and dark orange. These color combinations imitate a warm, intimate forest. I would love living in a home partially built of brick and wood. The tan, brown, and dark red colors are serve as great backgrounds for blooming houseplants.

I spent 90% of my day at the local shopping center smelling pumpkin candles. Pumpkin spices, here I come.. love me some sugared doughnut flavored smells.

 

I am so excited to bake some pumpkin-spiced breads and add pumpkin flavors to my coffee and tea. I drank some Pumpkin Brulee samples today and my taste buds are still on fire.

Unwind: Botanical Journeys & Autumn Warmth

Transcendentalism has always fascinated and impressed me. (Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau author most of my favorite quotes.) Today, as Apple fanatics desperately camp out and fly overseas for the iPhone6, transcendental themes such as simplicity and self-liberation from the materialistic and technologically reliant society we currently reside in are gentle reminders of the resources we gratuitously take from Earth.

As I'm preparing to move to my apartment, this past week has been mostly consisted of shopping for basic apartment needs: pots and pans, extra utensils, oven mitts, cutting boards.. you name it. I felt as if my mind and body were working nonstop. This weekend, my mom and I decided it was time to sit back and take a breather. We took a trip to the Descanso Gardens, and while this day trip is far from the isolation and self-sustaining ways of the transcendentalists, it still felt so refreshing to be in a more naturally raw setting than the bustling and urbanized city.

Some colorful flowers still bloom in late summer - Descanso Gardens

The ample space and small guest capacity during my visit likely enhanced my appreciation for the gardens. Earlier this summer, when I went to Victoria and visited the Butchart Gardens, I felt slightly swamped by all the other tourists and lack of walking space, which downplayed my fascination with the blooming gardens. This time, at Descanso, the absence of human traffic was the opportune day to stroll around the various gardens (my favorite is the Japanese garden) and also enjoy the gift shop ambiance.

Ceiling embellishments near the Pagoda of the Japanese Garden - Descanso Gardens

Descanso Gardens - the Japanese Garden (L) and the Rose Garden (R), still blooming a bit!

Back in June. The contrasting but surprisingly less-crowded view of one of my favorite spots - Butchart Gardens

The biggest surprise of the day was witnessing four deer in a queue gallop across a trail and up the hill towards the Boddy House (below). They were no more than 20 feet away from me. It looked just like a wildlife documentary where I am positioned with a camera, waiting for the perfect capture moment. Sadly, they moved too quickly for me to snap a photo!

The Boddy House - E. Manchester Boddy is the figure behind the creation of the Descanso Gardens

My imagination kicked in when I was in the gift shop, a very cabin-like building that smelled like autumn and trees. I spent at least an hour just browsing through all the books (a gentle reminder to myself that real books are still more heartwarming than my Amazon Kindle) about nature, food, and happiness. Such books with beautiful illustrations and bindings are must-own physical copies. If I replaced the merchandise in the gift shop with all my personal belongings, I would be in paradise.

It's a bit fleeting to think of decorating my temporary apartment to a dreamy cabin-like setting, but I can still start mothering succulent plants when I move in!

Book heaven at the Descanso Gardens gift shop

Succulent plants in the Descanso Gardens - similar ones are sold in the gift shop

My day-trip to the Descanso Gardens really gave me some time to practice mindfulness. My mind is constantly running - sometimes regretting the past, but usually planning for the future. We all need a moment to pause and take in what is around us, cherish the resources and beauty of planet Earth, and ultimately, unwind for a bit. For me, peacefully residing within a natural setting for a day is the best way to unwind.

Lessons from a new (and unexpected) friend

In addition to my trip to Alaska and Canada, another great highlight of summer was working as an office assistant at a home services company in my town. As someone who is slightly fidgety and constantly moving, I wasn't very accustomed to long hours of sitting. However, I gradually adjusted and learned to sit for longer periods of time in the office while coordinating real estate inquiries among agents, buyers, and sellers. I became familiar with many of the agents, who loved the presence of a collegiate young adult and grabbed every chance to give me personalized advice about my future and career. Of all these interactions, I grew closest with the office bookkeeper, a lovely woman named Dolores.

On my first day of work, Dolores was waiting for me at the front desk with a toothy smile. She gave me an office tour and a thorough training for all my tasks. Each subsequent day I showed up to work, she'd come greet me with the same bright, toothy smile and tell me a bunch of stories. I'd hear about what she ate for breakfast with her husband, how she painfully fell down a staircase and bruised her knee, her get-togethers with friends, family life, previous jobs, generation differences... the list goes on and on. Initially, I thought of this as a mentor-like relationship. Dolores is like a sweet grandmother watching out for the new employee in the office. However, as the days went by and the conversations continued, I noticed how much more comfortable I became. It wasn't as if I were speaking with a superior or an adult; I felt as if I were talking to one of my peers.  

Even at her age, Dolores is able to find joy in small things. She is happy to pick up her granddaughter from school. She loves making special breakfasts with eggs and English Muffins. She savors great moments with her friends, even visiting them out-of-state. She may be a grandmother, but she's still so youthful. I'm reminded of the guarded person I tend to be and remember that I have to learn to say yes more often. Some of the friendships with other females can be the greatest friendships I will form, and one day, like Dolores, I will be able to cherish the longevity of great friendships I may form with more smiles and more yes. When I'm older, I hope to be as bubbly and wonderful as Dolores is.

Receiving a small farewell gift from her on my last day of work was so heartwarming. Her gift was also extremely thoughtful. She got me some handy and portable Avon products that I can use whenever I am on campus. Little actions like these can truly make someone feel extremely touched. She even wrapped it in a cute pink tissue paper held by a beautiful bag with a yellow ribbon plastered on.

"May new friends always cherish you the way your old friends do....

May you always find the joys you're dreaming of." 

-Excerpt from Dolores' card

Dolores was the friend I did not expect to make this summer. But she has been such a gift, and I am so grateful to have met her. I can't wait until I have my own paycheck to be able to treat her out to a delicious meal and share more laughs.

I'm in love with Pocket

I generally don't download apps on my smartphone. The ones I have downloaded in the past have long been deleted because of lack of use or inefficiency. I have tried downloading various organizational tools, calendars, notes, games... and I have resorted to "remove app" for most of them. I felt like a waste of a smartphone user. I already try to use my phone as little as possible (considering the technologically addicted society we are in now where technology is often abused, I didn't want to become the next young adult who spends all her free time checking social media). But then I stumbled upon Pocket while doing some random reading on the internet. This glorious application makes me feel smartphone-worthy.

As someone who reads a lot of internet content, Pocket is the perfect app for me to appropriately label, organize, and gather the articles I would read later. I get most business, environmental, and health news from feeds I follow on twitter and tumblr. In the past, I would favorite everything I would read later, but it was so incredibly difficult for me to even remember to revisit my favorites. I had 100+ favorites within two weeks, and I barely cut it down to 50 several weeks later. The system was clearly inefficient.

Luckily, with Pocket, I am able to easily save articles from my twitter feed to read for later and add appropriate labels. The labels allow me to get a better sense of what may have gone through my mind when I decided to save the article in the first place. I'm able to filter through what I prefer to read first based on customizable tags.

A sneak peek "in my Pocket"

It's easy to "archive" articles after reading them - and I can still refer back to them whenever I wish. Sharing articles with others via Pocket is very convenient as well; I can also highlight/quote anything intriguing in what I'm reading and share it.

Most importantly though, Pocket is accessible offline. Cheers for places with no WiFi; I can still catch up on the news if I save interesting articles on my Pocket feed!

For someone who doesn't use mobile apps very often, I'm surprised at the positivity I have felt with Pocket. This is truly an app that makes life so much easier, especially for avid readers. Pocket has helped my self-discipline as well. I no longer feel the urge to carelessly binge read through all the articles that show up on my twitter and tumblr feeds; I can save them in my accessible Pocket for later and read at my own pace without worrying about losing the original article location.

I have a little faith in my survival in the appreciation of this ever-growing wireless generation. Thanks, Pocket!

Katty Kay & Claire Shipman's "The Confidence Code" and Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In"

Ever since summer classes ended, I've taken on a 9-5 part-time job that involves a lot of sitting and idleness. The most natural response for me was to read, and I have never charged my Kindle Paperwhite this excessively before. Of the last four books I've completed, three of them were nonfiction. I now have a lassitude toward fiction. As creative and imaginative as writers are with fiction, fiction makes me sad for obvious reasons.

I surprised myself as I completed each nonfiction work, especially since I used to be addicted to sci-fi and fantasy themed novels (can we say Harry Potter, please). Nonfiction has motivated me towards active self-improvement and diverts my attention towards real life as I learn about the real human condition. Brain Rules, The Confidence Code, and Lean In each provided unique perspectives about social issues prominent in the United States today. The former two especially use a scientific storytelling method to while discussing social implications. All three have strong and salient plots that educate and engage me. I couldn't help but wonder why professors don't assign these sorts of books for class textbooks. Textbooks are made to solely inform; these books are both empathetic with the human condition and informative while backed with extensive research studies to expand upon their points. Brain Rules especially had challenging but plausible suggestions for improving work life and the education system to create a better learning environment, and I loved Medina's proposals.

I'm glad I read The Confidence Code and Lean In back-to-back. They complement each other perfectly. Merely reading them already boosted my confidence level significantly. Throughout college, I've experienced several moments of extreme self-esteem drops (roll through some old posts and it'll make sense). Despite interminable personal lectures, emotional outbursts, and excessive journaling, I never seemed to get out of my I-am-going-to-suck-at-life shell that I refused to leave these past two years, especially as a female in a male-dominated field. Just last month, I was lying on the floor in my room and complaining to my mom about how I felt like I had no future. There were some legit first-world problems. Am I overloading my work for this coming school year? What activities do I participate in this time? What do I do after I graduate college? What if no man I like ever wants to date me, which means what if I'm single forever and never married? Am I still afraid of academic failure despite all I've gone through?

Hearing stories from three women who have experienced defeating moments themselves and learned to stand back up encouraged me more than any pep talk a friend or parent could give. It strikes me as hilariously sad how I would hear the exact same advice told in everyday language from someone I know and be unable to implement it, but read the advice in books published by reputable individuals and suddenly feel slightly braver. Here are some of my favorite moments from The Confidence Code and Lean In:

Mastery refers to the process and progress, not perfection.
"Perfectionism inhibits achievement."
Confidence is leaving your comfort zone and taking action. Do it.
Courage is a critical partner to confidence.
Overthinking, people pleasing, and the inability to let go of defeats are confidence killers.
"Dare the difference."
"Fortune favors the bold."
"What would you do if you weren't afraid? Go do it."
"The upside for painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance."

"Success is making the best choices we can...and accepting them."

"I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is. I don't know one woman in a leadership position whose life partner is not fully - and I mean fully - supportive of her career. No exceptions."

It strikes me that these concepts are widely accepted yet forgotten. It took two entire books to instill a different mindset within. I don't have enough self-compassion. I strive for perfectionism not because I want to be the very best at what I do, but because I always falsely believed that what I did wasn't good enough. Sheryl Sandberg suggests adopting both a long-term dream and a shorter, say 18-month plan. When coming up with these, set goals that have both "focus and flexibility," she emphasizes. It is then when I come to realize that my goals are either too out of my reach or too doable. There wasn't something appropriate for me to work towards. (But of course, in my head, it all had made sense initially.)

These past few weeks, I've voluntarily done things I usually don't do - broke a little bit of my routine actions - and it feels great. These don't even have to be big, daunting changes; they just have to be small things that I don't usually take the effort to try doing. Initiating to drive the freeway to be a better freeway driver so my dad doesn't feel the need to yell while I'm emotionally struggling in the car. Cooking and experimenting with new foods. Working out first thing in the morning at 6am. Asking questions that I may have been afraid to ask before.

At the end of the day, I learn how to better ignore other people's opinions and just keep going. Confidence and being unfazed by other irrelevant opinions come hand in hand. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there.

Thank you Katty Kay, Claire Shipman, and Sheryl Sandberg. Your words are indelible and have left a great, positive impact.